Dec. 25th, 2008...I'm SO glad to get out of the hospital. Don't get me wrong. I LOVED the sleeper/chair convertable thing. I just feel so much more at rest at home. At the hospital people were coming in every other hour asking for you to sign stuff or getting Leslie's vitals or bringing food that we don't eat anyway. I just told a friend over the phone that I even though I'm 45 minutes away from my helpless little babies, I'm not worried. I've gotten to know the Duke nurses well over the past three days and they know what they're doing, and have a geniune care and love for our girls. The staff over there is as smart as they come, and know exactly what they're doing. But even MORE so, I CAN'T look back and see how evident God's love, care, and provision has been for us, and question that He's going to just up and quit providing for the babies. Now don't get me wrong, I know that there is still a lingering danger to our fragile girls, but one thing I've learned about God is that He Is Good. Period. All other thoughts and skepticisms lead down a worrisome road I was never meant to go down. I can think of no other god, person, hospital, or thing that I would trust my babie's life with. Nor do I think my part in this is over. I know that I still have a responsibility to pray...meaningfully and often to God. This is all a part of my growing relationship with Him. I am learning to love Leslie in a new way. I am learning to be a better partner with her, and I believe we are working together better now. Although, I'm sure she can't stand me around 2am-8am. I get cranky when I don't sleep. Anyway, Leslie just told me that I should blog and this is what I'm thinking now. Even though I'm looking at a lot of travel, extra care for Aubrey, nursing Leslie, a roller coaster ride of progress and potholes with Reagan and Cameron, and a serious lack of sleep, I have NOTHING to complain about. I HAVE TWINS! I've always wanted twins. God is growing me up. God is strengthening our marraige. This is an adventure. Complaints would just be a waste of time. Worry would just be an insult to God. I am living life in the here and now, and excited about where God is taking me.
Ohh, and one more thing. I stink at compassion and charity. I know this now because I've been given SOOOO much of it lately, and I realize how little of it I give out. Leslie and I both have. People have given us a freezer, tons of food, gas cards, gift cards, cash, letters, emails, phone calls, and prayers...oh the prayers mean so much. People have done so much for us. WHO ARE WE TO DESERVE such compassion and charity?! People we hardly know have given us a piece of their time, heart, or checking account. I am learning so much. If, when my turn comes to extend a hand, heart, or dollar, and I don't...I want to drag me out in the street and beat me down. Or maybe just say, "Hey Seth...your turn to step up." Yeah, that sounds better. Anyway, I'm talking too much now. Thankyou all for your love!!!
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Seth, your message made me laugh, how true everything is that you said. But one thing that is for sure, no matter how frustrated Leslie gets at you from 2-8 in the morning, she still loves you very much. Take this from a mom/wife that knows how much it is appreciated that we have husbands that do help out and love us very much. It's funny, Preston should call you...he can relate to most of what you wrote about! Take care you two! Your family of 5 is in my constant prayers! And God is so good!
ReplyDeleteSeth, I loved reading your message. I can't imagine how tired you are right now! You are doing a great job! Taking care of your big family is no easy task but what a blessing! And God will give you the strength to do it. Don't forget to ask for help if you need it.
ReplyDeleteI wish we would have known you when our boys were in the hospital...I think your faith would have been a great example and help to us.